PERSONAL LOG2 : My earlyest memories

 I always thought  one day i would tell my life story. I didnt know what that story would be. Those I thought were the hero turned out to be the most vile villans. 

I had once said Not everyone trying to push you into the mud is trying to hurt you and not everyone trying to pull you out of the mud is trying to help you . 

my next earlest memory  is of the lake that 4th of july afternoon .  We my mother , father , My little sister Trista ,and our baby sister Margo and I all went to the lake for my dads birthday. We were meeting the rest of our extended family there . As we got close to where our family was camped on the sandy beach of the verdie river I saw my best friend Mary . I was holding my fathers hand and she was sitting in-between her mom and dad . She had her blond curly hair pulled into a set of pony tails on ither side of her head , a pair of pink sunglasses on and a ruffled minnie mouse bekinie , watter wings , and pink water shoes to match . I hollared at her "MARY , MARY , LOOK  LOOK WE CAME LIKE YOU SAID " She put her head in both her hands " HI FOO FOO ! Hey it was good to see you " then i remember that all hell broke loose . Mary's mother Angella Stood up and she started talking to Marys dad . I remember We kept walking toward them and I said to my dad " daddy , daddy thats my best friend Mary ! You talked to her when she dropped me off the other day . "  My dad practically yelled at me " NO LAINIE FOO FOO THATS YOUR BIG SISTER " Angella ran over Screaming at my father " how dare you how fucking dare you ! I told you to leave us ALONE  I thought I made myself perfictly clear In our divorce proceedings ! you got All that money to walk away , to leave us . You gave your price Im sure snorted shooted smoked and drank it all away . hell your new play toy probably couldnt even drink at your guys wedding did  you get married in our gazebo or did you do it at tinys " " angella " she cut him off " no we payed you and you will never see us again . 

She turned around took my sisters free hand her step dad holding her other hand , gathered all the things they brought with them and left . that was the Last time I would see my sister Mary . I did not know that her grandmother was my baby sitter I would have my mom run up and ask what happened . My dad said it was nothing just a jealous cunt . whatever that ment .  I never realized till I was much older and reflecting on my memories did I realize what an amazing woman Angella  Bowadellia really was . She had the strength to take her daughter and run . I wish my mother could have done the same for me and I wish that I had done the same for my daughter . She not only had at one point been married to my dad but she Was able to leave him . She avoided the pain , the torture , the drugs and alkahol he did around my sister and I till we were 7 and  8 and living with my Aunt Myra . 

My life as I look back on it is not exactly a happy one and I want others Anyone who reads about my life to learn from what I have gone threw . If I reach one person I have helped the world .  I know the people who raised me " did the best they could " is what they would want me to believe but the best they could was exactly what Angella Bowadellia did . She went no contact and Protected herself and her daughter by not letting my father win . 

I have been through hell and part of doing shadow work is healing generational curses . If I am to succeed I must look at the origonal sin , patient zero , name or call it what you will I have to start at the very beginning . . . . " aver good place to start when you read you begin with do re me the first three notes just happen to be do re me " ok I got off topic . I hate my brain sometimes .  

In order to break these curses I have to heal my mother first , then I can heal then my daughter can heal . this is hard . I have got this . Everything always works out for me .