PERSONAL Log 3 My earlyest memories

We would come back after the lake . My sisters and I would go straight to our room , start to get ready for bed and our bath . My parents would continue to argue into the night , my mom cursing my father calling him everything under the sun from a cheatingbastard to accusing him of touching me and my sisters . My mother would never know just how close to the terrable truth she had come . 

It was 1989 and my youngest sister was 2 , I was still 6 and Trista was 5 . we had gone over to my God mother  Marias Dick's  house . we were playing in the yard . My God mother had 3 kids . my god sister Diana who was 2 years older then me , Leora and  George Twins just a bit younger then my sister Trista . George and I were playing on the patio with a spring mounted horse that was up on a slab of cement near the house. 

the horse in question 

I was on the horse rocking it and George wanted to ride it . Without notice he hopped up on thew horse behind me and started rocking it violently . Diana my older God sister went to gab her mom just as I landed head first over the front of the horse and right onto the newly cut tree stump right near the house . 

I remember my God mother cursing in Greek and scolding her daughter for interrupting her work , she was cleaning or crocheting or doing something with the craft . Being a Greek imigrant she was a Greek Catholic , but she also very mutch followed the old gods . she made sure her daughters Diana , Leora , And Myself all knew what it was to be a pagan and a witch .  She just simply let her mother curse her . When she finally got her outside maria saw my face and the tears and rushed me home . 

I had Hit my head and had to get 4 stitches . I can remember my mother asking if I would have a scar and asking if I would need plastic surgery . he would tell her no . though to be fair I am 41 as I write this and I still have a visible scar from this incident . I hadn't known at the time but My god mother and my Half sister were related . Though everyone involved other then my sister and her mother to my knowledge are  dead . So I have no real way to discover what the relation to my half sister was to my god parents . this would be the last time i would see my god sister Diana till the day of her wedding to her husband Daniel . I would walk in with my husband her ex boyfriend From high school and she and I would realize who her mother and father were in relation to me . 

A few week later my Aunt Myra would visit . I didn't know that my parents relationship had detiriated . I remember being left alone at night , I remember my parents locking themselves out of the house when they were drunk . They woke up me and my sisters banging on the door . They peeked in the window and had me answer . I remember helping my mom clean and sticking my tounge to the back of the freezer . I remember my dad coming home with my all black kitten magik . I have so many good memory's . but they have a shadow . the shadow cast by my bad memorys . 

the straw that broke my fathers family's back was that my mother and father couldn't put drugs away even with us in the home . Although I lay heavenly the blame of ,my mothers Tragic life and death souly on the shoulders of my father and his family , there is a small part of my soul that puts a measure of the blame on both my mother and myself . When I would reach puberty I would be targetted by evil men . In my nievity I would think I was so mature for my age , I was an old soul , I had grown up early raising my siblings and my underdeveloped un diagnosed autistic brain belived that I was an adult I knew better then the ones around me . To be fair due to raising myself I was able to escape some of the more tragic things that happened to my younger siblings . I remember day care , church , and setting up my first room with my new mom My Aunt Myra . She would demand we called her mother . she worked for several years to legally adopt my sisters and myself but my father faugt her at every angle . My mother would try and fail several times to gain custady . It would never happen When I was 19 I would find out that my mother had taken her life . 

My father I can now look back and see would suffer from severe depression and most likely a handful of undiagnosed things . Though there is no excuse for what he did to me .my mother past nearly all of her medical issues on to my sisters and myself . I would gain Protan color blindness , Ehler Danlos Syndrome , epilepsy , Autisum , and the inability to know a good man from an evil one .   My youngest sister Margo reciving the true blunt of the issues my mother had. Reachting violently to the trama and torture around her , my youngest sister would loose her mind , her husband , her infant daughter , and everything that made her feel human . Morgan Wehner once Yelled at me " YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR SISTER ! what was I supposed to do ? " Im quoting a situation where Morgan had tossed my third born child into the wolfs den because a child said that was what they wanted . she  used my past , what little she knew of it to say that I would have done the same as her in regards to my child and Putting her in a mental facility she raised my children to dispise me .  She created fake Facebook accounts pretending to be my oldest daughter and tell me that they hated me and dispised me and nearly destrioyed a now healthy relationship . she forced my other daughter to go no contact , she put my children In awful facility's adding to thier torture . To further punctuate a point that Morgan Elizabeth Wehner DOES NOT KNOW ME OR MY STORRY AND DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME EVERY WORD IN HER BELLY MOMMY BLOG POST IS AN OUT RIGHT LIE AND FABRICATION. I was raised and raped by my biological father Samuel Don preslar .  when he was to drunk to care for us Wich was often. we lived PERMANANTLY with MY AUNT LYNN ( who was not mentally challenged but forced herself to raise her siblings childeren when she could not have her own  ) AFTER THE AGE OF 7 I NEVER SAW MY MOTHER EVER AGAIN To Morgan Elizabeth Whener : I will eviscerate you on written page you made me and my children be naked for the world to see for a little more then a day figuratively , you will be naked for eternity .